How many times have you said, ‘I’ll always be this way,’ or ‘That will never work for me’? Those words feel safe — but they cost you more than you know.
What does it cost you to keep saying “never” and “always”? Not only missed goals, but relationships. peace, joy and self-respect.
We all crave clarity, we seek certainty, we long for control. In times of uncertainty, “always” and “never” give us a sense of ground beneath our feet. So, we latch onto those absolutes to make sense of our world.
- “I’ll never be confident.”
- “They always ignore me.”
- “This kind of thing never works out for people like me.”
- “I always fail at this.”
It feels safe, predictable even, to rely on those absolutes. But it’s also a trap, because “never” and “always” don’t only describe patterns — they define limits. They slam the door shut on growth, change, and possibility. Yet you deserve better!
My “Never” wasn’t the truth – it was just familiar
Coming from a poor family, I carried a deep-seated belief that financial struggle was my destiny. I didn’t just feel behind, I felt like I didn’t even belong on the track. For years, I lived with a quiet resignation. I admired successful people from a distance, thinking they had something I didn’t — money, privilege, confidence, connections. I had internalised it: “People like me will never rise – I’ll always be financially unstable”. I had already written myself out of the story before I even began.
For the longest time, I believed that story and lived that story. I poured endlessly into others, but never dared invest in myself, because dreams like coaching or leadership felt like they belonged to “other people”. I clung to my story — not because it was true, but because it was familiar. Over time, that story became an excuse. And eventually, it became a block.
In my early forties, I looked in the mirror after another late-night overthinking session, and I couldn’t recognise what I was even striving for. I began questioning the stories behind those absolutes — I started challenging those inner absolutes — I began rewriting my internal script. And slowly, but surely, I closed the door on the “never”s that had ruled my life.
I rewired my beliefs around money, worth, and success, finally ready to rewrite my story. Now, I’m an executive leadership & mindfulness coach whose clients experience incredible breakthroughs — the kind that ripple into every area of their lives. They keep coming back, not because I had it easy, but because I get it. I’ve lived it. I’ve walked the road from “never enough” to “more than possible.”.
This isn’t just about coaching, it’s about reclaiming your power. No matter where you start, you can rewrite the script. And the woman who once thought “success isn’t for me”? She’s creating her own version of it — every single day.
Because “never” was never the truth. It was only a story I hadn’t outgrown YET.
1. “Never” isn’t fact — it’s fear in disguise
Fear loves patterns, even painful ones, because they feel safe. And “never”, it is fear’s favourite disguise — a label that looks like logic but is really a block.
Because something hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean it can’t. “Never” is often a conclusion drawn from a limited sample: your own experience so far. But your past is not the full picture — and it’s certainly not your future.
👉 You may have never spoken on stage. But many people once hadn’t — until they did.
👉 You may have never felt truly seen. But the right connection can change that in a moment.
👉 You may have never succeeded in this area before. But every success story starts as a first.
Don’t mistake your lived experience for universal truth. It is like judging a whole book by a single page.
I once told myself I’d never feel financially secure.
That I’d never have the confidence to coach others.
That I’d never be a voice people trust.
I was wrong. But I had to be willing to question my own story.
Your past doesn’t define your potential. It only defines your starting point.
✨ Ask yourself: What have I quietly decided is ‘never’ possible for me — and is that belief even true?
2. “Always” isn’t truth — it’s a tired narrative
We say “always” to avoid disappointment, it helps us feel prepared. But what it really does is cement patterns that we are meant to outgrow.
👉 “I always get ignored in meetings.”
👉 “They always take advantage of my kindness.”
👉 “I always mess this up.”
But here’s the thing: because it’s always been that way, doesn’t mean it always has to be that way.
Maybe…
- You’ve always been the one overlooked in meetings.
- You’ve always felt rejected in relationships.
- You’ve always played small, even when you knew you had more to offer.
But these “always” are often unchallenged beliefs. Sometimes, these beliefs come from real, repeated hurt — but even that doesn’t mean they are permanent.
The stories we tell ourselves can shape how we live, love, parent, and lead ~ Brené Brown
✨ Ask yourself: When was this NOT true? Even one single counter-example breaks the illusion and weakens the grip of “always”. And that’s all you need to start rewriting the script.
✨ Then ask: What would it take to make that my new “always”?
✨ If your brain says “it has always been this way” and you cannot challenge this pattern yet, get help. Get a coach who will help you get past your blocks!
3. The danger of definitive thinking
Words like “never” and “always” feel strong — but they make us rigid. They shut down curiosity. They shrink options. They keep us stuck in either/or thinking when life is actually full of nuance, timing, and surprise. Instead of clinging to certainty, can you let “may be” in?
When you start to question those absolutes, a new kind of self-inquiry opens up. If you let go of ‘never’, who are you now? That question is uncomfortable and that’s exactly why it matters. Growth begins where certainty ends.
Letting go of absolutes means leaving room for the unexpected – for change – for growth – for healing – for opportunity. It invites possibility instead of prediction.
Words have weight. And when we use absolutes, we don’t only describe reality — we create it.
🧠 Instead of defaulting to “never” and “always,” try:
- “So far…”
- “In the past…”
- “Until now…”
- “I’m learning to…”
These phrases create space. And where there’s space, there’s growth.
“Every belief you hold was once just a thought you kept thinking.” – Abraham Hicks
Try this mental reframe:
Instead of
❌ “This always happens to me.”
Try
✅ “This has happened before — but what can I do differently this time?”
Instead of
❌ “That will never work for me.”
Try
✅ “It hasn’t worked yet — but what might shift that?”
Watch your language — even one word makes a difference.
🛠 Tips to replace “never” and “always” thinking
✨ Reframe with time-based language: “So far, I haven’t…” or “Up to now…”
✨ Look for outliers: Was there ever a moment when the opposite was true?
✨ Zoom out: Ask, “Would someone else have the same reaction in this situation?”
✨ Challenge the loop: Is this belief protecting you from action or rejection?
Final Thoughts: Reclaim your possibility
Every time you say “never” or “always”, ask yourself: “Is that actually true — or just how I’ve experienced it so far?”
Because the moment you leave room for “maybe”…
The door to growth cracks open. 🌱
Let go of the language that locks you in. Your life still has room for wonder — but only if you leave the door open. You can rewrite the story. I’m living proof. The story of lack, the story of limitation, the story that says “you don’t belong here.” — you don’t have to carry those old truths into your future — your future is not a copy-paste of your past — unless you let it be.
Say yes to something you’d usually decline. Speak up once in a meeting. Apply for that thing you think you’re not ready for. Even an inch is enough to break the pattern. You’re the author now!
🎯 Call to Action:
This week, catch yourself in the act — it will require a higher level of awareness than usual. Every time you say or think “never” or “always”, pause. Ask:
- Is this a fact, or a feeling?
- Is there another way to see this?
- What would it mean if this wasn’t true anymore?
- What would my life look like without this limit?
Don’t wait until you ‘feel ready’ — that’s the old story talking. Go messy. Go unsure. Just go. Messy first steps, that’s where transformation begins. Acknowledge the discomfort of stepping into “maybe.”, and if you cannot do it alone, get a coach to help you build resilience.
Impact Coaching & Mentoring (ICM) for Leaders 